I grew up in Melvindale Michigan. I went to school there until I was 16. Then because unfortunate events I was later placed in fostercare. Where then I moved from place to place, I was also in a group home or two Including Vista Maria. I had a few loves, I had a few loses, But eather way I ened up here telling you or who ever would like to know my story.
I am currently 22 years old, I have never done a drug, I have slightly drunk, I have been pregnant 5 times. I was pregnant with twins once, I lost one child. I have 2 boys, I live in a house with a Man Named Brian. I have an Ausitic child who is 2 and a 5 mont old baby. I have the blood clotting disorder that my mother died of. My family doesn't pre-say like me, but deals with me, I tend to feel like a burden, And if I come over to someones house its normally a secret, I don't get invited to BBQ's Birthdays or any of those. Not One single family member has ever been to my son's birthdays and I don't think they would. I was invited one thanksgiving, But I haven't been invited after that. I do not go to Christmas with them, Nor am I invited, I do go a few days before or after with One family member.
I use to have a church family that cared alot about me, and loved my mom dearly, I am not close with them very much anymore. I don't understand the reasons, I do feel like a burden, So I have choose to Stop contacting them so they are able to live with out having to deal with us.
My Mother died when I was 9 years old. I do not remember her much. And some of the memory's I may have of her could just be a dream. After that My Grandmother, Who was currently sick took care of me. It wasn't the best But thats what God gave me. I had other Chances to live a good happy life, But as I said It wasn't in my path to be so.
I barley Speak to my family And I understand it had alot to do with what I did while I was a teenager. But again I was a teenager. Nothing more. And No matter how much I do or don't change I will always be "that girl" Who did or said this or that. I have come to terms with that and try to remove my self from those types of people. I have enough Negative things in my life I don't need anymore. I never did drugs or failed school, I did get into fights with a few kids. I did cuss out teachers, and get suspended, IN high school I started skipping school to hang out with a boyfriend or a friend.
After my mom died I never spent the night over any ones house. From 13-16 I was 100% grounded. And i mean it. Not your normal grounding. She timed how long it took me to get home form school, And she Checked my Pads to make sure I was having my periods, Even tho I wasn't having sex yet. At 13 I was put on birth control, She never let me out of sight. What she nor I didn't know But being on Birth control when you have my blood clotting disorder could of killed me, And sometimes I look back and wonder why it didn't, What does God want me here to do. So many times, I could of died yet I am here still.
I shared Birthdays with my crazy aunt, And no she wasn't a cool crazy aunt, She was one who I hated to be with. I hated sharing birthdays. I hated that I didn't have my own spelical day. When each of the grand kids turned 16 They got a limo, a crap load of money and ect. I didn't. I always felt left out in the family. My jealously became hate. And of course thats never a good thing when your dealing with hormonal teenager!
Somewhere between all that chaos I found love He was my 1st love Andrew. We talked every single night I met him while I was in 6th grade, He was in 9th, I was suppose to be in 8th grade, So not that big of a age gap! lol We would talk for hours and hours, It was wonderful, I slowly fell in love with him, and he fell inlove with me. We never actually Dated, but he was my boyfriend. After fostercare, And During SIL, I met him again, He happen to of changed and not in a good way, I can still open up my facebook, and see a message from him. I do write back I want so much for him to be "my andrew" . He changed his look and his thoughts. Recently I heard hes almost back to being what I would call my Andrew, But see the way he was he was two faced, Just like many of the guys I liked, I do believe that He loved me but I also know that is reputation was much much more important to him. So we lost each other, He told me he never stopped thinking about me when I vanished, And that he was told that I beat my grandmother with a bat, And along with bunches of other stories that traveled threw Melvindale once I left and came back. I fear Andrew is my Andrew now, But also Hope he isn't. He could get me to fall then Im sure he can now.
My Father you ask? Well I have tons of questions myself. From what I understand from some people, he was a horrible Man, he raped and sold my mother out to his friends numerous times. He even tyred to kill my mom when she was prego with me. From other people They say I am just like him, that I am evil, and I shouldn't be alive. but thats another post another time. As much as I was hurt in my life about not having a mom around I was even so hurt about not having a father. I didn't know weather or not to believe the things I heard about him, But it did hurt to know that Someone who is suppose to love and protect me thought I was just like him, and If I was just like him I was a horrible person. Darn right nasty. I do believe now that I am older that I am not like him, I have nothing like him, And I do not look like him, As I was told I do not look anything like my mom But I look 100% like my father. And I will not let that sink in anymore.
Going to school wasn't the best thing I remember about my life, I got maked fun alot. And it ranged from normal kid stuff alway to personal issues. CPS was at my house contently. I was a liar, But You can choose what I lied about. Its not for me to tell you. In some peoples eyes, I lied about what was going on in my home. And in others I was to scared to tell the truth about it. Either way I lied, and theres nothing I can do for it now. I joined cheerleading, It was great, I had problems remembering how the cheers went, But no one could do the Moves I could, such as back bends my 1 handed cartwheels back flips front flips, You name it I could do it. Slowly I just stopped cheerleading cuz I just couldn't do it.
After that I tryed Modeling with barbazon, It was nice I enjoyed it. For a while. Then My grand mother was told she needed to pay so that I could have a sponsor and then everything would be set, That never happened, It broke me to pieces. I still remember the words, I wasn't good enough thats why she would have to pay. Come to find out later down the road after I was long gone and so was she, Its just apart of the company once your soo good.
Most of My teenage years, I flocked to any guy who showed me attention. I thought it was the only kind of love I could get. I never knew unconditional love. Or at least I feel like I didn't. I always felt like a burden to my family. And to a few other choice people. Guys where my way out. I was raped when I was 16 , I had dreams of "saving Myself" for "him" but that never happened, I kept having sex. When I told I did get raped, Cops where called I was scared. I had bruises on my face from it, And my clothes where ripped, But My guardian at the time, refused to allow them to do an exam. After that I saw him everyday. No matter what. He was there. And Everyone knew. Some believed some didn't. A girl Who was also my friend said he did it to her as well. I remember her words. I trusted him, I thought he loved me but he wouldn't stop. yeah so did I.
I don't understand why I can remember much of my mom anymore. I noticed it in 7 th grade that she was fading away. I use to hate seeing other girls with their moms. It killed me inside and I secretly hated them for it. I had a friend or two, Who I wanted their moms just to take me and wrap me up and take my pain away. But it never happened. I still have many questions for her, But those will never be answered. All I can do is hold on to my dreams of her and keep her alive, Look at my pictures, The pictures that weren't taken from me and remember her to my best. I love her, And it really took a toll on me not having her around.
My 1st abusive boyfriend was when I was 15 years old, until I was 16 years old. He made me crazy, He wasn't pystical until the end. I have seen him here or there, And it doesn't seem like he grew up anyways. He was the 1st guy who bought me roses. His family was fucked up as well, He had a mom and a dad, But his father beat his mother on a normal basic She lived in shelters on and off, But nothing ever worked she always went back.
So after a unfortunate event, when I was 16, I was placed in Juvie, I was that girl everyone felt sorry for. That girl who everyone couldn't understand why no one called or came to see me. They read my files yes. Files they had that where suppose to be facts. But whos gonna believe at screwed up 16 year old right? I was placed on meds before I could even remember. I was taken off while I was there. They tested me off and on the meds and changed them, They thought I was better with out them, And no I didn't argue. I was there On Christmas. I got One x-mas card, that was unbelievably forced. It wasn't nothing but names. Mean less names, You could see in the hand writing they where only trying to make someone happy, and hated writing their names on a letter that was going to be sent to me. And It wasn't me of course who they where trying to make happy. This place wasn't for me, This wasn't where I should of went, But thats where I did go, The police of melvindale, came to my house many of times. They knew me by name. They knew what was going on. But no one did anything. The night where my life stopped for a while, The police came they let me grab a picture or two, Some clothes, and a teddy bear. I was scared. They took me to Micky d's before they brought me in, And I ate a cheese burger and fires and juice.
I remember them coming in and asking me tons of questions. I was scared. I knew no matter what I didn't want to go back. I could hear one of them on the phone They where talking about me. And they said over and over we have to bring her back if no one presses charges.I was told since I didn't want to go back there that they would have to place me into fostercare. I was scared cus what I understood of foster care due to what my grandmother told me is that they would rape and beat me. Which did end up happening, But I was a lost child scared and alone. Finally they agreed. And they came in. And pressed charges and agreed to show up in court, Which never happened. The police officer was talking with someone before the came in. Told me that I was going to be place into fostercare. But they would have to Let My grandmother know. So they did, and She asked them Would I be able to leave that fostercare. They said Yes. Then she said no I want her locked up. And that is what happened. Since No one was there when it happened it was a 16 year old girls word against a 65 year old woman, Who ended up falling. They got me ice cream and let me watch movies. I talked to one for a while. He told me that he didn't believe anything that she said. And theres nothing he could do. He didn't put handcuffs on me when we left. He seemed upset that he had to do this in the 1st place. But he did. It was his job.
The next few days I stayed in Jail, Going nuts, I felt as tho I would die here. No one can here your screams outside of your little room, No one would care about them anyways. I screamed at God I screamed at my mother . How could you do this to me. You know it didn't happen. WHY. I was called to court I talked to my lawyer who told me to do it and I did. The judge asked where was my grandmother she was suppose to be here. If she didn't show I was free. So they told me in 3 days I will be removed from there and have another court date to be put into a home.Since if you don't show up its saying that its not true. Well of course they contacted her. She said she was ill and couldn't make it. SO they had an over the phone court thingy. I had to stay, She sounded Pleased. I didn't know how long I would be there. It was awful. I was later moved into The mental ward, due to my self finding this to cut myself, Or the numberus times I stopped eating or tyred to kill myself. When I got there I weight 200 lbs When I left 3 monts later I was 150, And three months after Vista Maria I was 120, Then in foster care I stayed 97 lbs -100 lbs.
6 days before my 17th Birthday, I was moved to vista Maria. I got too close to a Male staff member while I was there. He was a good 30 years my senoir. But I haven't had male contact in over a year or at least if felt like it. I took what I got, And another girl who was my roommate, Was his special friend before I was, She left and I cryed. Again I was alone. Some people started to get suspious about us, He was moved to another part on campus. I was incruitably sad. I went into a deep saddness. I started to cut myself over and over and over. IN the girls bathroom, I took my shirt and Placed it on one of the pipes that hung down and tryed to kill myself, Well As you can see it didn't work. I was later placed in his ward. I was happy once again. I was for once poplaur amoung the girls. I had my friends, And They wanted me. I was feared and loved. And I always got speical treatment. I stayed there for 3 more months and then I was placed In a group home. The few things I do rember and liked about there, was the art class and coupter class. and the pizza! Oh how I loved the pizza! I was more than happy to leave when they told me to pack up. I was a bit sad that I didn't get to see him before I left. But this was just turning into some new chaper in my life.
This place was called KD. This was a place for girls who Did or didn't do things wrong, that they where trying to let back into the city, Or girls who where just in a messed up situration. I was the only "white girl" there, That was actaly my nick name. IN this group home I had NO ONE. It was horrible, I hated it. I loved my Worker Dawn, She went threw all my files ever since I was a kid and she knew why I was there and how come, She tryed to adoupt me so I wouldn't be there, But due to her being a JD worker she couldn't. And that was another time My heart broke. She requested that I have my own room, Which I got. I was able to leave between 3pm and 9 pm every night. I was the only one in their history able to do that. The girls there didn't like that, neather did the staff, They both tryed numberous times to get me to lose my outside privalegs, But Dawn never let them do it. At KD, It was a very nice shedule, You woke around 8 am, Showered ate, and went to school, then came back It was 1 hour of quite time, Never any homework. And then it was time to eat, You made your phone calls, Watched tv, Or in my case got to leave. I talked to my grandmother every sunday. I talked to scott everyday. All of the girls but me got to talk one time a night for 15 mins, I was able to talk 3 times a night for 30 mins or more. If I was there, So it was calling Scott scott scoot or a friend!
At CFA The princable, Was a good friend. She would take me outta class just to talk. I became very close with her. But as always After I left, She changed jobs and I lost conntact.
While going to school at CFA, I met a wonderful friend named tonya, She was a great friend with a bunch of problems, She interdouced me to my 1st love. I don't belive I will ever stop loving him or rembering him, I took his virgently and he took my heart. Quite a few nights he snuck into my room, Only on Thurs fris and Sats, Thats when Miss Mcgee worked. She never did night checks, I was her fave, I think she knew Scott was in there. But I am not sure, Her thing she always said if I don't see or hear it I don't know, So I guess that what lead me to belive she did know. Scott and I didn't have sex at all for a while, It was nice, he would come over and just hold me, Made me feel safe, We would set the alarms or vibration for before early check just incase one of the staff made it in early, Lucky my room was at a part where you couldn't see someone coming in or out of it. I rember the 1st time he came over, he was so scared, Which of course is understandable! But he brought his sqrew driver and and undid the window! And you know the rest. It was painful to see him go, But I enjoyed thinking about him until it was time to get up! The teachers there where really nice but the math teacher, I never liked him.
We stayed with each other for about a year. I was maddly inlove with him. And Tonya was my Bestfriend. Dawn My worker, Got it to where I could Go out with him, and spend time with him, It was nice. I enjoyed my time with him, Weather it was at his house, in the movies or Just being with each other. For once I felt like I was safe, And i could see myself marring him. He took me to his collages classes sometimes. And I knew then what school I was going to go to. But that still hasn't happened yet.
A few here and a few there other fostercare, Same storys differnt people. But, While I was in fostercare, I was able to go to school at CFA, They had a part for Lock up orgroup homes, and then Us, The ones in SIL or fostercare. I was extremly Poplar. Which was very nice. Every guy wanted to date me, But I was in love! lol. I had 4 bestfriends, I took over as leader of the group, I will never forget them, Slowly after it became to there was 7 of us. And I was The prettiest and the skinnyest! lol. I miss those days. I lived to come to school and to be with them, And then lived even more for my Hot Boyfriend to pick me up! I still rode the buss here or there , But almost always I was with him, I guess that prolly what killed us in the end but, He clothed and feed me and was there for me. Just when I needed him to be.
During my stay at some of the fostercares, I wasn't allowed in or ect for one reason or the next I spent my time on the streets, Eating living you name it. I did it. I took Nude pictures, for a teacher for money Good Money. He knew I was underage, But neather of us cared. It was my life back then. There was also another guy who I took pictures for Whom, had a few other amount of girls. Im sure one of these days I will be on the web and I would be able to find some of these pictures, But only a few choice people will know it was me. And There not in my life anymore so I don't see why it would matter. I also Got another Bestfriend during one of my fostecare stays, His name was Javon. He was a great friend. I met him while riding the bus to school every morning. And no we didn't go to the same school, But he would take a longer route just to stay with me until, I got to my stop. And IM sure if he started school later than me he would of walked me to my school just to make sure I was okay. I still thankfuly talk to him this day, But its no where near how much or the way I would like!
While I was there we went to a school In DET CFA, It was a great school, I actally enjoyed it. We walked in lines and couldn't talk to guys that where there, But you could always see a note passed. It was a nice touch to freedom I didn't have. After about a month or two living at KD, My Mentor got another girl who came in, She suggested that we share a room, She was white, Which I was excited, Good now I wouldn't be made fun of alone. But of course it didn't last long. Things happened and where lost. I was alone again.
After a very long 5 months or so, I was in KD. I was hated there Alot. My worker was trying to get me into SIL, Semi indepented living, But the staff there refused that I was ready for that, So I got placed in fostercare after fostercare ect. My 1st foster care, I was raped over and over and over. I was too scared that I would be sent back to KD so I just delt with it. All my life all I knew was fear, and rejection, I was to scared to ask a question or to tell what was happening to me. I kept it all inside, Not even my boyfriend knew everything. It wasn't for him to deal with. I thought about runing away many times, But I didn't want to get barried further into the system, So I followed rules and tryed to keep my mouth shut, I stayed quite, And I did what I was told. I tyed to kill myself once while I was there.
My 2nd fostercare, I was beat and raped. My room was no bigger than a very small bathroom, It was in the acttic, But not really the acttic, it was like a closet, Hard to describe! I slept in there when I was there. The foster parent had two teenagers her self, and they where incrubly mean, They didn't like that I got to have 3 meals out of THEIR food, Or that I was there point blank. It got to the point where they put a lock on all the cabinets, and on the bathroom. I held it in until i got to school. I Got a job while I was living there, And I would lie about how much I would make and only bring a lil home, cuz if they weren't asking for free food they where taking my money. So I became close with my boss, and I left my money there and would pick it up and drop it off before and after school.
While I was living in one of my fostercares, My Grandmother enedup dying, A few weeks before She had asked me to pick up her some underware and something else I can't rember what it was and told me to bring it the day before her birthday. So I did that. I came and knocked on the door, A good amount of my family was there. My Uncle John. The person Ihated the most in my family due to the things he had done. I forgot who answered, But I do rember being scared. I look into The livingroom, To see them all siting there, Iwas like Can I go upstairs and Give Nana her birthday gift. I was so happy to give this to her. Jessica and someone I belive it was just kinda looked at each other, Uncle John came rushing to the door, as if a fire was behind him and it coundted his life to get out, He flew the door open, Out of the corner of my eye I see two of my friends just staring, The didn't belive it was me, but they watched as my uncle became full with rage so much that the wind stood still, and you could hear his heart beating. And Then his angry words started to pour out, I could see everyone in the livingroom stand up, They looked worried. He started screaming YOU KILLED HER, And much more evil words. Until it ened with him staying don't you ever dare come back to this house. How dare you show up here and think its okay. I guess no one told him I was there back and forth the last few months. He kept shouting Im going to call the cops and have you put back in jail, By this time The family had tryed to remove him, and closed the door. I walked away in tears. Not understanding what had happened.She died two days later.
Right after I turned 18 I was put into SIL, Semi INdepented living, Which ranges from, Tthe same rules a fostercare, But they now give you money. Some kids got what I did 100 bucks a month, Tonya got around 800, She was one of the luckier ones. I hardly surived! By then Scott and I had broken up, Til this day I still don't rember why, But I do belive I would Be in collage, And I wouldn't have the life I have now, Which depends how you look at it can be good or bad.
My 2nd SIL Place was at my new bf's moms house. She was very Money hungry, And she happened to live in Melvindale, My home town. School was very far now, And the busses would make me a hour and a half or later to school due to the times, I ened up droping out. It was a very said choice But I had no other opeions I tryed goin back to Melvindale, But they wouldn't accept me. And the State Padded me on my back and told me good luck, By then I had another worker. And I was left to myself. After Leaving him and her, I had a child, She when she saw us around melvindale would say oh look at my grandchild, But of course I haven't seen her since he was 3 months old.
I ened up getting a job while living at my BFs I took care of him, I bought him food I bought him things. I if I even did have little money left for me. I loved working at Arbys it was one of the best places I could dream up. My Boyfriends friend Mike, I became very close with, He was dating my cousin from my fathers side, Or at least I was told she was my cousin. IM still not sure. I started getting into Majic and DND quite more. I slowly became in "like" with him, We would send each other texts or IM's right infrount of everyone. I was still dating Dave and he was with Sam. So it wasnt much. I moved into his house with my Bf at the time, And thats when things got really weird. Our code words where "lets go to the store" or something to that affect. It was a bad choice and I regret it. Some people think that I was in love with him, But no I wasn't. I don't think its right for someone to say what they think and try to tell you your wrong, When they cannot feel what you feel. Ened up messing up my cousin and I. I just spoke to her for the 1st time a week ago, Mind you its been 3 years.
While, I was living there, I broke up with David. He was cheating on me, And I guess it gave me the right to do it to him, Or so I thought. He Ened up trying or wanting I can't rember, But to move outta state with a 14 year old girl he met online ( hes 18 at the time) and Live with her, He was maddly in love with her. This guy was also the 1st guy Whom I got pregnant by, I lost the baby, I guess I wouldn't of wanted it any other way, Truely. His mother in fact while we where living there, Wanted me to give my food to her father cuz he had diabeties, But Her unborn grand child she was so heart broken cuz I lost it, Maybee cuz I wasn't able to eat the food I bought?
So I live by myself For a while with Mike, then At Sams Halloween party Brian happened to come, I liked brian but I also feared Brian at the same time was there He left for reasons I will not say. Mike gave me a ride home, and wanted to have sex, For some reason I refused. I could of walked it really wasn't far, But I guess you can guess the reason? I guess Sam didn't notice he left. But still. Brian went to another Halloween party, And I was left there by myself, with No one I knew. Mike used me for sex, Was nice enough infront of people to me that I didn't notice that he wasn't my friend unless it benifited me, But certain things still get to me and I wonder if he was really my friend but just afraid of what others would think, I dated all of his friends In differnt times of my life, But after I left Melvindale they all happened to become friend with each other, And I went to see one and the rest where there. So you get the ideal.
Soon after brian moved in. And we started dating. ( update brian and I later)
